Perception, change and motion

Now is the time..

I think something infamous started with that.

However.. now IS the time... and I am pushing to change.  Not myself.. for who I am will evolve naturally.  But habits, actions, reactions, and fears.

I was stuck.. but now I am in motion.. movement is the root of change.

Shift happens... and everything is about to shift around here.

Time to stop being afraid of judgement... open up and let myself be judged.

One of my favorite sayings is this one:

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
   Love them anyway.
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
   Do good anyway.
3. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
   Succeed anyway.
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
   Do good anyway.
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
   Be honest and frank anyway.
6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
   Think big anyway.
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
   Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
   Build anyway.
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
   Help people anyway.
10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
    Give the world the best you have anyway.

.. because we often and all too easily fall into the place of non-confrontation... whereas we don't do something, because we're afraid of the reaction it may receive.  We perceive that it will be reacted to that way, and in turn CHOOSE not to do it. 

Reality is all in the perception ...our own perception.. and those of others.  We choose to do or not do something... and our perception of the possible reactions of others can limit us.. in our thinking, as well as our actions.

You are wearing a shirt.

You ask me what color I would call it. - You're asking for my perception of the color.

Now, the answer doesn't really matter.  I may say "blue", but you may see it as "teal".  Neither answer is really wrong. Each of us has our own perception.  We believe that our perception is right.  If I look again and decide that you are more correct than I am at describing the color, my perception will change.  If we don't discuss it, unless I decide that it's actually teal, my perception won't change.

So... into the mix of changes to make, my perception is now also involved.

I am actively listening to other perceptions, and it is changing the way I currently perceive things, which when asked "And how is that working for you?"... is obviously not everything that I wish/want/dream it to be.

When I learn to let go of my existing perceptions, new things will appear, so I am consciously listening to and watching for the new things that are appearing and therefore, shifting towards new patterns.

In this shift, I am experiencing places in which I am uncomfortable.  You can't get somewhere new without being uncomfortable.

Remember learning a new language and the teacher asked you to say out loud a word you had not yet tried to pronounce? - Some people aren't even comfortable about speaking in front of others... on top of that, add the possible embarrassment of saying it incorrectly.  Go a little further ... how about being asked to do something you're afraid of?  Your brain starts to panic, your heart races, and you are definitely uncomfortable!   Do you keep going?  Are you worrying about what someone might say if it goes wrong? That depends, doesn't it?  

I sang in a band. I wasn't the lead singer, I was back up.  I really enjoyed it.  When it came time to perform on stage, I had already managed to get out of it.  I did not want to be on stage... and yet, there was no real reason at all for that feeling.

I have gone to karaoke many many MANY times. I really enjoy singing, and I believe that I am good at it. I will even go so far as to say that I really don't mind too much if it comes out badly in parts.  I've intentionally gone up to sing songs that I am not familiar with.  My secret is that I have already gone up once or twice and sang a song that I ABSOLUTELY know that I will receive high praise for.  I will get my recognition.  So when I go up and do something I am unsure of, I am a lot LESS worried about what people will say/do.  I've already proven that I can sing.

So right now, I am consciously looking for other things I do that with, primarily involving my business. I was feeling stuck because of the walls of my limited perception.. but now, they are moving away and clearing a path for forward motion again.

(go me!) :)  

GORGEOUS day outside!  YAY!  Happy Friday everyone!

So the EX is "in town".. meaning - he's over on the island... meaning we can FINALLY get the divorce papers signed etc.  Just have to find a place we can walk into - sign all the paperwork, pay the money and walk out and wait the 30 days for the little bell that will ring in our heads sayin' "Ding! You're officially DIVORCED!"

My dad referred to a "divorce broker" or something - he said - he and my mom went in, signed and that was it. Nothing complicated.  Think I can find that? I don't even know where to start.  Googling divorce broker comes up with stuff about mortgages and divorce. blah blah.. that's not it.  Will keep trying though.  Left a message at some "untie the knot" place (that of COURSE closed an hour ago) - so hopefully I'll get a call on Monday.

So my grandmother .. let me go backwards a bit - she owns a house with her son and his wife. They tore down her little bungalow house a few years ago and built this huge two level home - totally custom to the wants and needs of my uncle and his lovely new wife. They got to a point that the mortgage payments were getting too hard to meet, so they put it on the market.

I think it was on the market for like 3 mos last year, then they put it back on again in like January this year.  Because it's so customized, potential buyers have been very few. Around the beginning of April, a European couple got interested - came back a few times to look again.. and finally made an offer mid-April - and VOILA! Prayers were answered - they sold it!  Problem then was - that the current owners needed to vacate by the end of April, giving them only 2 weeks notice to pack, find a new home and get out.

Suddenly everyone's in a panic! My Aunt and Uncle take several trips over to the Sunshine coast to hunt for a new home, and aunt#2 comes to stay at the house and help my grandmother pack... and somewhere in this, my grandma finally opens her mouth and says that she doesn't really WANT to live on the little island! So, aunt#2 and I try to rally enough info out of her and decide that someone has to tell my Uncle, before they make a huge commitment.  We get them talking - there are hurt feelings, and harsh words, then a big make up session in which my grandma decides that she will go with them instead of taking her share of the sale of the house money out of 'common pot'.

So they find a place, make an offer, and grandma lands herself in the hospital with heart failure for a week. While she's out of the house, we're all madly packing her, and trying to plan an alternate solution for her to stay with me and my family until she's better and her doctor visits are done, and so my uncle and aunt can get a LITTLE settled over there before she arrives.

So .. she's been living with me just over a week now.  She's in much better spirits, she's building back her strength, and she's doing pretty good.  I can tell because today she got up in the *foulest* of moods... and let me tell you, she likes to share her moods. (sigh)

I got up, TK stayed home from school, had an uber long shower (today was the perfect day for the added primping and preening that had to be done), and opened the bathroom door to the glorious greeting of "WHO took that LONG shower????" and instantly forgot the one main important thing I was supposed to take with me when I met my g/f for her medical appt at 9:30... I didn't realize that I'd forgotten it until I was 5 mins away from the doctors office.  So alternate plan kicked in - I'll drive her out to my place, get it, I'll pick TK up and take her out to get the new runners she needs.  Perfect - get her out of grandma's hair for a few hours.

Doc appt went well - came home, got the computer and TK, and the mood sharing continued! "making perogies is a TWO person job!" ...   no one asked you to make them - they could wait til we could do them - but no matter - you're doing them now I guess. "So, Nan, do you need anything while we're out?"  "A flour shaker".  Fine.  (which she wont need by the time I get home anyway.)

We leave again - we go for lunch, get my g/f back to her car so she can go to work and TK and I hit the mall for a couple hours.

2:30 - we're on our way home, so I call to check in. "Hey.. just calling to see how you're doing."
"Im bored as HELL!!!"
 "I bet."
"Did you ask why?"
"Nope. Sure didn't.  Have you finished your books?"
"NO! I sat outside for a very long time, and now I'm inside and I'm lying down... because I'm BORED!"
"Okay, well, is there something you'd like to do?"
"I'd like to go to Chapters or something and get myself a book."
"Okay, well, we are on our way home - we'll be there shortly and we can take you out."
"NO! It's too late to go now.  anyway..  BYE."

Alright then.

So of course, we get home, and she's in her room with the door closed and lying down.  I don't know if I should go in and wake her up, or if I should just leave her be. I don't need to get yelled at, but I likely will get something whenever she gets up again.

Perhaps today is a good day to take her out for dinner. heh