So all this time, I really thought we might actually skip this 'stage'... she didn't really go through the terrible two's as I can recall .... I don't totally remember last month, so a guesstimate of 11 yrs ago might not be accurate.. but I'm okay with leaving that as "what I recall". Side note: Apparently, I wasn't that pleasant during pregnancy either... so when not long after I'd given birth to my daughter I thought it might be a good adventure to apply to be a surrogate .. my ex-husband and our roommate both said it was a BAD idea and to give it up before I tried... so I must bounce back from a lot of bad experiences quickly. :)
Anyway... we're at the terrible teenage girl stage of 13... she got her period earlier this year (Feb 15, 2013), and that definitely has some of the explanation handled... but I can't say that I go more than 1 day without ending up in a yelling match with her. I'm not sure there's even a single day that doesn't go by that we aren't "at odds" to a point that I have to just walk away.
I truly dislike this part of raising a child. All you want is for them to be happy go-lucky kids... well adjusted, do what they're told (at least half of the time would be nice).. I wasn't expecting a miracle child - don't get me wrong! I know I wasn't a saint, and I made my own mother's life somewhat difficult (that's probably an understatement), but this is a pretty heavy part of their life to go through, and I don't want to be in it.
I read all these great blogs about "when I stopped yelling at my child" and "how to talk to your children" .. and really - WTH??? They aren't talking about my child. They absolutely aren't dealing with THIS child. So my sympathy for those parents is non-existent.
I am at a complete loss for words as to how to make explaining this even remotely funny either. Sometimes I look back at the past hour of my morning and chuckle... but more often I am at the point of tears. I'm so afraid that this is going to last a long time. That this isnt 6-8 mos of somewhat-annoying-teenager angst. The other night I dreamt that it was 4 years of this... day in and day out. I turned into that mom in that movie... what movie is that again.. the woman was a space cadet.. like totally medicated without a clue of what was going on at all in her house or her life. American Beauty I think... anyway ... not the way she's controlled by her husband.. just the spaced out ... doesn't know how to communicate with other people in real time.
SOME times I have a great connection with her... we talk about random stuff.. she tells me random stuff.. she isn't afraid to tell me that some boy from school called her really awful names on facebook and let me go talk to the principal... she isn't afraid to ask serious questions about her body and what's going on with it, or tell me about the boy at school she has a crush on... it's just those other times.. when doing homework, or cleaning her room, or taking any kind of responsibility for herself or her actions or around the house are the absolute last things she is willing to do - no matter how I ask it to be done.
They don't fail kids in Grade 7. I know a kid that failed kindergarden! But "now a days" they don't fail them.. no matter how badly they're doing. She's refused to do a LOT of homework this year. And yet - she won't fail. Next year is her first year of "high school"... no middle school.. no Jr. High... elementary to high school.. that's it. Next year, I'll (probably) still be facing the homework issue along with the rebellion - and top it off with more friends, more kids to deal with, and a whole lot more attitude. yippee.
For now, we'll take this day by day... it's killing dh.. but I think it's all we can do. Try to enjoy the good moments, endure the bad ones... and get through it together.
(* Feel free to comment... share.. empathize.. or go read past blog posts... they aren't all about any one topic either! *)
