The Terrible Two's ... at 13

Ahhh... that oh so wondrous day has finally arrived... the day my 13 yr old daughter says "I Hate You."

So all this time, I really thought we might actually skip this 'stage'... she didn't really go through the terrible two's as I can recall .... I don't totally remember last month, so a guesstimate of 11 yrs ago might not be accurate.. but I'm okay with leaving that as "what I recall".  Side note: Apparently, I wasn't that pleasant during pregnancy either... so when not long after I'd given birth to my daughter I thought it might be a good adventure to apply to be a surrogate .. my ex-husband and our roommate both said it was a BAD idea and to give it up before I tried... so I must bounce back from a lot of bad experiences quickly. :)

Anyway... we're at the terrible teenage girl stage of 13... she got her period earlier this year (Feb 15, 2013), and that definitely has some of the explanation handled... but I can't say that I go more than 1 day without ending up in a yelling match with her.  I'm not sure there's even a single day that doesn't go by that we aren't "at odds" to a point that I have to just walk away.

I truly dislike this part of raising a child.  All you want is for them to be happy go-lucky kids... well adjusted, do what they're told (at least half of the time would be nice).. I wasn't expecting a miracle child - don't get me wrong! I know I wasn't a saint, and I made my own mother's life somewhat difficult (that's probably an understatement), but this is a pretty heavy part of their life to go through, and I don't want to be in it.

I read all these great blogs about "when I stopped yelling at my child"  and "how to talk to your children" .. and really - WTH??? They aren't talking about my child.  They absolutely aren't dealing with THIS child.  So my sympathy for those parents is non-existent.

I am at a complete loss for words as to how to make explaining this even remotely funny either.  Sometimes I  look back at the past hour of my morning and chuckle... but more often I am at the point of tears.  I'm so afraid that this is going to last a long time.  That this isnt 6-8 mos of somewhat-annoying-teenager angst.  The other night I dreamt that it was 4 years of this... day in and day out.  I turned into that mom in that movie... what movie is that again.. the woman was a space cadet.. like totally medicated without a clue of what was going on at all in her house or her life. American Beauty I think...   anyway ... not the way she's controlled by her husband.. just the spaced out ... doesn't know how to communicate with other people in real time.

SOME times I have a great connection with her... we talk about random stuff.. she tells me random stuff.. she isn't afraid to tell me that some boy from school called her really awful names on facebook and let me go talk to the principal... she isn't afraid to ask serious questions about her body and what's going on with it, or tell me about the boy at school she has a crush on...  it's just those other times.. when doing homework, or cleaning her room, or taking any kind of responsibility for herself or her actions or around the house are the absolute last things she is willing to do - no matter how I ask it to be done.

They don't fail kids in Grade 7. I know a kid that failed kindergarden!  But "now a days" they don't fail them.. no matter how badly they're doing.  She's refused to do a LOT of homework this year. And yet - she won't fail. Next year is her first year of "high school"... no middle school.. no Jr. High... elementary to high school.. that's it. Next year, I'll (probably) still be facing the homework issue along with the rebellion - and top it off with more friends, more kids to deal with, and a whole lot more attitude.   yippee.

For now, we'll take this day by day... it's killing dh.. but I think it's all we can do. Try to enjoy the good moments, endure the bad ones... and get through it together.

(* Feel free to comment... share.. empathize.. or go read past blog posts... they aren't all about any one topic either! *)

Life is a Highway....

it is with a sad heart that I tell you that a friend of mine passed away suddenly. But with a .. I can't find the word.... satiated?   happy?  pleased? .... balanced... let's go with that..   with a balanced heart... I say that he was also a client.  With our help.. our guidance.. he had a will, he had investments, he was on track to becoming debt free ... and a lot of his debts were paid off... that he has gone to rest - and that no one is left to carry a large burden of debt, or things to take care of.    He had a will.  Born in 1964 - not a few years older than me - and he had his life and his after life things in order.

Can you say that?

Do You have a Will??

Have you things in place to leave to those you love and care the most about ... in writing .. to proceed you when you are taken to the netherworld?

Forgive me for not being religious, or for taking religious sortings in my text.... its all the same in the end.


isnt it?

Did you remember that important document that will tell the rest of the world that is left behind if you leave before we all expected you to.... exactly what you want us to do with your stuff?... your money?  Your prized possessions?

ok... why not?

Oh yes.. I know... its something you dont want to talk about.. or think about.. or do anything about... because its scary.. its .. not here.. but

BELIEVE you me....

you'll think about those things when that last moment comes....  that's how we're built.

My world will not end without my pre-thinking that "should this day come"....
because ..   I've been there when someone's day came ...

I held her hand.. I told her to let go ... and that it was going to be alright. That we.. left here... would still be ok.

and that everything she wanted ..

would happen.. just as she wanted it to.

Because I do what I do.    This is important to me.   I lived through someone having to let go....  and we made it... we still make it... 13 years later... we still get on.  We heard her words... her wishes.. and we still continue...

I will not pass on.. without my simplest wishes being left behind.

Will you?
 

Getting Excited after loss...

Ya know what?

I'm doing damned great.

That's what.

Why?   How?  What?

Well... we're going for a promotion, we're building a team, and we're moving upwards.

Never before did I truly realize how much I DISLIKE working at a job.

Sure, it pays the bills, and it puts food on the table.. and it's more consistent than I am... but seriously.. working for someone else's dream SUCKS THE LIFE OUT OF YOU.

Ok..granted... maybe it's just me.. cuz everyone around me.. my friends, (some of) my family, and the clients I sit with.. are all out there making someone ELSE's dreams come true.  Yup.  Giving someone else the write offs, sending their kids to private school, practically driving them to the dealership to buy their new car/boat/truck/toy.  NOT ME.

Ya know what I bought this week?  A trip for DH to go back to Ontario to spend time with his kids and family for Spring Break.  Ya know what that will do for my taxes at the end of the year?  It will put a big fat write off on them.

Ya know what I taught a family this week?  That doing an RSP loan at the bank will cost them more than it will get them in the end - but that RSP loans aren't ALL bad. That taking an additional $25 off of their pay cheque every 2 weeks is giving the government an interest free loan. BUT changing the way they "spend" their money could create additional tax breaks and income for them every year, pay down their debt faster, and get them set up for retirement.  And THAT is why I love what I do, and why our team is growing.

A friend posted about her dad passing away not very long ago.. and it sent me into a bit of a tailspin of memories and realizing how long it's been since I lost my mom.  October this year will mark 13 years.  When people talk about how they miss someone they have lost a few months later.. all I wind up retorting in my head is about how I almost called my mom just recently.  How much as my daughter enters her 13th year, the things I want to call her and make her laugh about.. how I know how close she is relating to my teenage behaviors... how NOW i have questions... something I didn't have when I was pregnant and in the first couple months after she was born and my mother called to "complain" that she wasn't being consulted.  My reply was "I'm sorry that you taught me how to figure this stuff out on my own.  Had I known I was supposed to become co-dependent as an adult, I would have called."   ... and some days, I sit here and sob ridiculously over missing her.

When I think about what I do and how greatly a WILL, Life Insurance and Investments will all effect the lives of those left behind I get so intensely outraged at the crap that sits buried in the bottoms of drawers of my family, my friends, and people I have yet to meet... things that I read about in the papers, ads on tv... I can't even imagine where we will be in 20 years.. and the things that so many people are sold in some insurance policies out there... the great and tragically horrific news some families will get because they "don't have time" to sit down with someone to help them get through what we do for families, NOW when it isn't an issue.

Well believe me when I say... I am not giving up.

Things are going to  C H A N G E... and I'm going to be part of it.

And my mother is watching over me and so very proud of me.  For that I am so very grateful.