I think I've been avoiding thinking about certain things floating around in my head.
I've spent the last couple days doing the smart things... Assessing finances, what goes out what was coming in, what will be coming in ... Trying to figure out our housing situation, and making sure that the things I need to do for myself get done..
I sent a text to a girlfriend and the following oozed out of my fingertips ...
"And seriously.. just looking into his eyes and just wanting him to say "I love you" is stupidly hard to take. And leaving ... 💔"
The visits are too short. But it's not just that. Going in, I can't wait to see him. I know He's not going to say a word, and I ramble on as long as I can so he has something else to think about for a few minutes..and then I run out of corny bad jokes and we just stare into each other's eyes until he pulls me in for a kiss.
It's not enough.
No one should ever have to "visit" their spouse.
I'm not unrealistic. I know damned well I couldn't do all the things for him that they are doing for him there. But I miss him.
Morning coffee time together, texts while we are at work, hearing his truck pull in, climbing into bed together.. it's missing.
I need to hear him say those words soon. I don't care what the sound like.
They're for me. And that's all that matters.
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