But I didn't do it.
Nope. Not once.
Didn't even log in and attempt something and just leave it in the drafts for later when I felt more inspired / had more time to to devote to the train of thought behind it..
So that of course, got me wondering WHY!? And got me coming around to figuring it out.
Gossip.
The past week and a bit with my being home with the sick one, I've had a bit more time to talk to a few of my friends. And I've heard a few things that have upset me.
Even right now, as I sit here, I can feel that I'm angry with one of them for the way she's been making a few of us feel; that what we consider our 'crafts' isn't worth the monetary value we put to them where she's concerned. That if she were to recommend us and our craft to another of her friends in need for our service, that she would also recommend that they not pay full price for receiving this service from us.
Huh?
So for example .. say I offer the service of story-telling, and her friend the librarian is looking for a story-teller - she'd tell the librarian that my rate of $35/hr is NOT what she/the library should pay.
[insert gasp here]
What's really not fun is that the librarian told me that my friend told her not to pay full rate.. but instead she paid me MORE than even what I expected to charge. (Which was a 'YAY' moment... but sure made me question my 'friend').
About a week ago, another friend said that she needed to "talk" to me. But right that moment wasn't a good time for either of us (too many people around etc..) ..and you know that line is just a kicker for your brain right? OMG!!!! Did I do something wrong? Do I smell funny?
So when I finally got a chance to pin her down so we could talk - she said that a mutual friend shared a confidential conversation between her and I that made my other friend feel like I wasn't being completely honest about something we're dealing with together.
Okay.. really?
I'm not a fan of gossip.
When friend A tells me that she's having issues with, or mad at friend B, I don't go running off to friend B and get in the middle of it. And I don't go off to friend C and tell HER all about it either. I think I have a pretty good handle on the difference between someone having a need to vent to me, and someone telling me something about someone else. Ick... and I usually don't really absorb it. Sure, it's kind of interesting to hear about what so and so is up to... but it's still just heresay. And somewhere along the line... gossip tends to hurt.
And that's where I figured it out. I realized that *I* wasn't blogging because someone in my world just MIGHT have an issue about what I write - and either make me feel that it's of lesser value than I put on it, or turn around and decide that they should SHARE it with someone else!!!
So I hadn't written a single thing. And I could feel how something that only a few short weeks ago was freeing my brain of some junk that needed to be sorted out and cleaned up and making me feel really really good - was being controlled by an outside force that shouldn't have anything to do with what or why I blog.
So .. to those feelings I let sneak into my subconcious and get in the way - Out you go, and good riddens!
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